Starry Starry Night.

One of the benefits of having cancer – believe me there are not many, this is probably the only one – is that with the diagnosis comes a great sense of being able to say what you like, to who you like, when you like and to be whatever you want to be. Along with this great sense of confidence also comes a sense of panic. I was caught unaware when I saw people collecting for Marie Curie, suddenly shocked back into realising my vulnerability and the situation I am currently in.

I am very conscious about the way I dress, carefully choosing bright colours and quirky outfits to give me confidence and to keep my mood lifted. This paid off last night at the Aberdeen Art Fair. We strode into the VIP preview evening confidently. Lifting a glass of champagne we proceeded through the stands to find Gallery I on the stage. Just ahead walked Billy Connolly in a long green velvet coat. Mark was soon engaging him in conversation then called over “Lulu, come and meet Billy!” “Billy, Louise, she has cancer, but don’t feel sorry for her.” “That’s an icebreaker, if ever there was one” said Billy. “Reminds me of when I met Paul Young( the actor), I’d been told don’t mention the ears! I was fishing with him and as I threw the line out, I managed to catch his ear and wrap it with the line!” We exchanged pleasantries before the speeches began. We remained on the stage just behind Billy as he opened the Art Fair. The Music Hall was full of VIP’s all looking up to the stage in our direction. I felt like a celebrity! Speeches over, we began to leave the stage for a walk around the stands but were stopped as we came down down the steps and asked if we could be photographed for Number One magazine! “Both together and then some of the lady on her own”. We obliged, posing in front of a huge floral canvas. The photographer took down our names and asked what was my occupation? I was caught on the hop, and instead of saying one of many things such as – charity support worker, property developer, interior designer, cancer patient, I said “Housewife”. I clearly need more exposure to this kind of stardom! He asked whose outfit was I wearing? I said “I’m sorry I can’t say its Gucci or Prada. It’s H&M!” “Well you look fabulous!” he said. With my quirky black and white leggings, white linen shirt, black patent Fly shoes and funky short haircut I had manage to grab myself a piece of the limelight!

We found Howard Butterworth at his stand and greeted him, offering our sympathies for the recent loss of his wife. We chatted openly and found that his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 40. Howard was extremely supportive and was the only person who was able to acknowledge how frightening the whole experience is. He spoke of the fear at the hospital visits, the surrounding fear in the waiting rooms, the difficulty trying to separate yourself from the fear in between appointments and treatment. I felt relieved that it is ok to have these feelings and that being “positive” (I am beginning to loath the word!) is not always possible. He said to call for a chat if we felt low, they had been there and done that. I may just take him up on that offer. I had the feeling that for him to talk about it all was also therapy for himself at this very difficult time.

What an incredible evening it turned out to be. We found an Indian restaurant and had a bite to eat. My appetite is not what it was a few months ago but I need to keep putting in the calories as I am having difficulty maintaining my weight. I find I have to eat what I fancy when I fancy it! In between I try to snack on dried fruits, nuts and seeds and chocolate!

 It was an unusually mild evening for Aberdeen, 19c at 10pm. We stopped by the seafront on the drive home and walked along the sand, not speaking, just thinking. Back at Muirton, the night sky was incredibly clear and for a few moments we looked for shooting stars, none showing themselves but we did spot three satellites overhead.

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and slept soundly until 7.45am.