Restoring A Classic

I ran 100km (60 miles) in March. Training has been challenging. There were tears when I first put the training shoes on back in November. For the first few sessions I couldn’t run 3 km without having to stop and walk several times. I would get home exhausted and deflated. My hips and elbows would be sore and I was tired. Why bother? You may well ask. I suppose it’s a combination of things. It’s to prove to myself that I still have it in me, that I still have the drive to achieve. That I can be stubborn, determined and driven, when faced with a goal. A sense of satisfaction. A desire to feel energised, able, fit and to rise above the effects of Tamoxifen and surgery and scar tissue and to live a best life.

Running and in particular races, have always filled me with an immense sense of fulfilment. It’s a long and often arduous process from deciding to train, pushing on for weeks and months before the glory of the final race day.

This time, I know it is the journey and not the destination that is significant and of substance. In my 20 years of running on and off, completing five half marathons and various 5km and 10km with effort but relative ease, this time, it’s proving to be tough, demanding, strenuous and at times fatiguing. Training is allowing me to take a far reaching look deep inside my mind and body. I am at all times mindful of the aging process, (it’s five years since my last half marathon) I endure the effects of the cancer drug Tamoxifen that I have taken for 4 ½ years, (mouth ulcers, joint pain, memory loss, fatigue in varying amounts), I’m still conscious of the scar tissue that runs from my mid chest to under my left arm which still causes acute stabbing from time to time, the skin to the back of my armpit remains numb. I consider all these obstacles in order that I can overcome the hurdles. I listen to my body and rest to repair and reduce inflammation, even if that means missing training for three days, I use my mind to push on and motivate myself, I fuel my body with a diet packed with nutrients and protein to rebuild muscle and elevate my immune system, carbohydrates to maintain energy levels, plenty of water throughout the day to stay hydrated and avert fatigue. Training this time, is teaching me to get more out of myself, to judge my recovery and to make allowances.

If you were given a brand new vehicle, the chances are, you would maintain it well, service it regularly, keep the tyres inflated to the correct pressure, check the oil, ensure it passes it’s MOT when required, keep it road worthy, you may even wash and polish it from time to time or treat it to a full valet. The thing is, we all started off with a brand new vehicle. Pristine, no bangs or scrapes, generally speaking a vehicle that was in great working order that required little attention other than putting in fuel. As the years pass it’s inevitable that our vehicle becomes worse for wear, slows down, doesn’t perform so well, breaks down, encounters the occasional accident, begins to show the scars, rust spots creeping in here there and everywhere, we begin to neglect this aging chariot, no longer serviced, hoping each year that it scrapes through the MOT and that it can hang on a bit longer, no more incentive to fill it with the best oil, or to fit the best tyres. But stop. What about those fabulous classic cars? “An older type of car, one that is no longer produced, one that people like to own because it has special features and looks stylish.” We are all capable of a stylish, on the road, well performing vintage. Yes, of course it takes effort, it may be costly, sacrifices to be made. It takes time, day, months, but the benefits are huge.

And so I set about rediscovering this vehicle of mine. My body. Aged, weathered, scarred, rusty. Hours, days, weeks of training, fine body tuning. Looking to see which parts were running smoothly, which parts needed attention? Muscles and bones to strengthen and tone, a healthy heart to maintain, feet to attend to with a reflexology and pedicure, skin care (be generous every day with the sunscreen) good nutrition and attention to what goes in, easy for me in the summer months with a plentiful supply of organic allotment produce and a love of home cooking. And so, after much effort, this sluggish vehicle began to run faster, recover better, rest well, shine and feel invigorated.

My goal of two half marathons within three weeks was a big challenge but the journey to get to the start line in the first place, was tougher.

The challenge now is to keep in tip top condition while easing off the road miles. This vehicle will not miss a service or MOT. This Classic will be staying on the road, tyre pressure checked, air filter cleaned, oil changed. Ready for the next big road trip in this adventure called Life.

http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/Pages/Livewellhub.aspx

Run for your Life!

I have three New Year’s resolutions: to write more (anything - letters, blog, stories, poems etc), to run the Edinburgh half marathon again in May (marking almost five years post diagnosis and five years since I ran a personal best) and thirdly, to learn some Italian!

I have started all three, it remains to be seen how much I actually achieve as I move through the weeks and months ahead!

I was saddened (and probably disturbed?) by the recent Facebook postings of Red Hearts to somehow raise awareness for breast cancer? I would like the opportunity to sit down and chat to the person who thought up this incredulous idea! How is a silent heart going to make a difference to anyone? In order to raise any kind of awareness we need to talk about cancer, shout about it, understand it, take it seriously, but not let it overtake us. We do NOT need to fight it or battle with it. We live with it, alongside it and beyond it. I do not need to bang on about wars, about winners and losers, I’ve said it many times before. If all the Pink charities raise enough money to carry out research, find cures, stop tumours, discover targeted treatments, provide information and support, then I can live with pink (let’s not forget that blue exists too though, with around 350 men a year in the UK developing breast cancer.) But a silent red heart? Come on! Wake up to awareness!

I urge you to take the time to read, digest and act upon the NICE NHS guidelines on being breast aware and then tell all your friends to do the same. That, is raising awareness. Early detection saves lives, don’t ignore any changes. I hear people telling me they’d rather not know if there was anything wrong, they don’t check their breasts and they don’t attend mammogram screening, they just want to get on with their lives in ignorant bliss. If I’d ignored a change in breast tissue in 2012, I would not now be getting on with my life. I would be enduring gruelling, aggressive treatment or facing a poor prognosis.

Raise awareness by sharing and talking about the facts! http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Breastcancer/Pages/Breastcancersymptoms.aspx

My trainers had been retired from running for about 18 months. My last race was with Team Stedman in Edinburgh in May 2015, when we ran the Edinburgh relay marathon, raising in excess of £2000 for Sarcoma UK. Our efforts brought a little comfort and joy to our friend Ros, who was at that time not able to run for her life, but merely able somehow, to find the strength to get from day to night and night to day in an increasingly debilitating, painful and frightening world. I took great strength from watching her facing her final days in this world. In the hospice I held her hand and recounted tales of the antics we all got up to on my 50^th birthday, our first visit to a casino, warming and floating brandy goblets in the hot tub under the stars (with a group of middle aged women who didn’t previously know each other) and wild and windy walking on the Ythan Estuary getting close up to the smelly colony of seals! At her bedside we laughed and I spoon fed Ros ice cream, which she devoured.

And so, the trainers are back on my feet and I have strived to get a few kilometres behind me in the last few weeks. I am now up to a reasonably comfortable 7km jog. I have a personal trainer lined up for a couple of trial sessions and a pledge to join the Striders on a Thursday evening. With my previous “frozen shoulder” now surgically cured and never better, I’m on course for a cracking event in May if my body accepts the fitness regime and gains stamina and strength without mishap!

Some people who have recently visited me or who read my FB posts have commented: “You are so lucky!”. Am I? Lucky to have had cancer? Lucky to have lived through, what was at times, a difficult marriage, wondering if we had the strength to hang on, to keep on? Lucky to have tolerated the hard and at times very lonely life that living in our very own “escape to the country” in NE Scotland brought?  I could go on. We all face many challenges. Lucky? I think not. My life is largely one that I have set out to have. I have made choices, I have made changes, I have planned, organised, removed stressful situations and I now infuse my days and weeks with bucket list events, feel good moments and take time just to be.  I am running for my life, running into my life, as life will not run to me, nor, will it run to you. You have to make it, you have to want it, you have to go out and get it. This is not a dry run, a rehearsal or experiment. This is the original and real deal. Look after it well and above all else, embrace it.

Why Italian? Celebrating New Year in Venice was quite simply magical. Anytime in Venice is magical. I have always loved Italy since my very first trip at the age of two! I want to scratch below the surface of tourism and experience a deeper flavour of this country and its people. Being able to order “un aperitivo” is simply not good enough!

Make some changes, make some plans. Be the leading light in your own life.

For now, Ciao. J

New Years Eve in Venice.