I shook uncontrollably for several minutes,
chest tight, breathing rapid and shallow. I could be dead in a split second. I
sat looking face to face with a pride of seven lions ripping their way through
a wart hog. One false move and we could all be the main course. I ddin’t shake
uncontrollably when I was told I had invasive cancer. Does that mean that lions
are scary and cancer isn’t? Not exactly. But it did mean that if the lions were
going to get me I had no time to do anything about it, no time to do all the
things on my bucket list, no time to plan. Two seconds and it would all be
over. I can honestly say, that although It was terribly thrilling, I had never
been so physically frightened as when I sat in front of the lions! I have been
lucky enough to experience several “trips of a lifetime” over previous years
but this one was extra special for the four of us, being the first time we had
travelled all together, under our own steam to a long haul destination, rather
than on a package. We had lots to celebrate with special birthdays and being a
year on since my cancer journey began. The trip exceeded all expectations. We
spent quality time together sharing amazing experiences and memorable moments
across the whole of the Cape, West to East. This was one thing on my bucket
list, that for a long time I had wished to fulfil. Watching my beautiful daughters step out of
the safari truck onto the wild savannah for sundowners as the sun was setting
will remain with me always. I was last in South Africa some 30 years ago when I
was not much older than my daughters, it was very special to return with my
girls.
The two week holiday was a complete escape
from all things cancer. No news articles, no posters, no rattling buckets or
supermarket campaigns, no one asking about it, no one telling me about it. I
could almost pretend it hadn’t happened and that it didn’t exist. On my return
back to everyday living, I have avoided writing the blog for a while longer but
eventually I am faced with cancer related issues, both myself and in the wider world
and it helps me to write things down and to get things out of my head. I have friends
who are dealing with their own cancer related journeys and it’s only right that
I should support and care yet that can at times bring a heaviness to my heart.
I have seen the impact this week on my daughter, when one of her friends lost
his uncle to cancer, leaving behind an 18 year old daughter. I sometimes forget
to be aware of how the girls are affected by what’s going on around them and
that events may stir up emotion and fears in them too.
A letter arrived from the genetics department
at hospital. It was a comprehensive review of our meeting detailing all that we
talked about and providing information about what happens going forward and the
implications of genetic testing. As it stands at present based on family
history, my daughters face a moderate risk of developing breast cancer in the
future. Within current guidelines they will be entitled to breast screening
from around 35 years of age which will include MRI as well as mammogram. It is
likely that guidelines and treatments will change between now and then, some 15
years into the future! I myself, will be having genetic testing through a
research study which will look for BRCA1 & 2 and the sample will also be
used to try to identify other genetic mutations. If I am carrying the BRCA1 or
2 it puts me at significant risk of further breast cancer and would also
involve the girls making a decision as to whether they have genetic testing
themselves. They would have a 50% chance of carrying the gene if I were a
carrier. If there is no mutation identified we remain at moderate risk. Tuesday
marks one year on since my diagnosis, I shall be back at the hospital have
bloods done for the genetic testing. I was due my annual mammogram in June but
as yet, now into August, I have had no appointment. Another NHS Grampian
blunder, I am no longer surprised just disillusioned. I phoned the breast care
nurses who confirmed I should indeed have had the mammogram in June and she had
no idea why I and been missed. An appointment will be sent out.
Since taking the mefenamic acid I’ve had two
periods which have been somewhat easier to manage but it’s difficult judging
when to take the drugs as it should be the day before menstruation. With a
cycle that varies from 30 -35 days that’s no easy to guess and I spent four
days taking the drugs last month in the previous days! I am still on the twice
daily iron, soon to drop to once a day for another month. I don’t seem to have
knocked the fatigue completely on the head yet, having had two days last week
when I was back to daytime sleeps and feeling a bit rough! Although I did have
the excuse of long haul flights! Still waiting for the results from the
gynaecology endometrium biopsy some six weeks ago and a follow up as to whether
to stick with the mefenamic acid or try something else. Nothing seems to get
done in a hurry! I’m told the genetic testing can take months, and I think they
mean 6 – 12 months!
Soon to be fifty, I have decided to draw up a
list of fifty things to do over the coming year! Some simple, like watching the
moon and the sun rise with a beach picnic, meeting up with old friends, some more time consuming and
costly, hiring a tartan camper van for a few days away and a trip on the Loch
Lomond sea plane! I have 10 things on the list so far, message me with any
bright ideas! I shall be kick starting the events with a week on a Tuscan
vineyard in October including a visit to the Sienna Wine School! Cheers! x