Just two months ago I had left carpal tunnel release op, swiftly followed by mammograms, needle and core biopsies, breast cancer diagnosis, left mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy. I’m realising it’s okay to still be feeling a little battered and bewildered by the whole thing!
It was a relief to get a prescription from the GP on Friday for dihydrocodeine which has a much better effect on targeting the burning and stabling pains from mastectomy and the pain of “cording” (axillary web syndrome). Paracetomol was barely taking the edge off it. I also picked up my prescription for Tamoxifen (two unsuccessful attempts as chemists didn’t have it in stock). “Tamoxifen 20mg tablets. Take ONE daily for five years” The package leaflet comes with a host of information including “ Do NOT take Tamoxifen if…” Special warnings on DVT and a list of over 20 other possible side effects!
I’ve managed four days without the need for an afternoon nap and my energy levels are slowly restoring. The cording is still restricting my arm movement, although physio is helping and I hope I will be able to drive again by the end of the week or next week sometime. Starting to get bored at home, feeling I want to get out and on with things but still limited in what I can and what I am allowed to do! Also lost a little confidence to go out on my own, not because I lack a breast but as I get occasional stabbing pains that literally stop me in my tracks often letting out an “arhhh!” momentarily!
I’ve been reading other blogs and articles on mastectomy. It seems the vast majority of women have reconstruction or if not prefer to use prosthesis to regain their pre surgery shape. Women who go “form free” are in the minority and have mostly had bilateral surgery not unilateral like myself. I find it uncomfortable to wear ant type of bra as the nerve pain is increased by straps pressing. I find it even more uncomfortable to wear a pad over my scar. I’ve tried twice and been out with “breasts” but don’t find it natural or comfortable.I purchased some lovely coloured, lace vests, courtesy of Primark that are extremely comfortable, feminine and warm. The beauty of the vests is that although, sheer, they completely hide my scar yet softly reveal my remaining breast. Wearing them, I am not constantly reminded of the cancer or surgery as I do not feel or see the site. I have got the hang of dressing confidently “form free” with patterned or dark clothing, pockets, pleats, ruffles, cardigans and a scarf. Funky shoes (huge fan of Fly) draw attention to my feet rather than my chest! I’ve been to yoga class as a one breasted woman and also eaten out, feeling very comfortable. This evening I will deal with the communal changing rooms at the gym. ! I’ve always used the communal changing rooms and never been one to change in the cubicals, I don’t plan to alter that and I figure if others don’t like what they see, it is there issue to deal with not mine! Going for a short session on the bicycle and leg press equipment. Over three weeks of lounging about I need to get moving! Tamoxifen brings an increased risk of thrombosis. There was a question over my clotting during my second pregnancy and I was on warfarin for a while. Also had varicose veins stripped ten years ago. Haematology will be keeping an eye on me but it’s important I keep active, which should help ward off some of the other potential side effects too!
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| Dressing post-surgery without prosthesis. |
October 1st today. It feels like a new page, a” new normal”. I can put September behind me. I have taken my first drug of the five year course of tamoxifen. The sun is shining, the trees are turning bronze. I am starting my first full week on my own, Paul searches for a new job. I have always loved October, my birthday coming up, I will turn 49. October was always the month that the fun fair came to town, I’m not one for the rides but for the sights and smells and the atmosphere. It was the month when the children carried baskets and collected leaves, berries, conkers for crafts at home, carved pumpkins and carried lanterns. I will busy myself in the kitchen with pumpkin soup, jars of mincemeat and cake for Christmas. Pinch punch, first day of the month!
Beautiful photograph and not an outward sign of the harrowing time you have been through. Although the inside will take some time to catch up you're ever positive attitude will take you there no doubts. Like you said its ok to feel a bit battered for a while. Mind you, your post surgery gym schedule puts me to shame!
ReplyDeleteAwful news about Paul's job on top of everything else, but I guess there is never a good time and dealing with cancer does put a great deal of perspective into ones life, so as long as you're well everything else will follow.
Keep smiling and keep wearing yellow, it's stunning on you x