The Thin red Line

After looking at The Scar Project Paul wrote to me:

“it’s very easy sometimes, to get a bit caught up in the Race for Life, tie a pink ribbon round the tree thing, but it’s much rawer and immediate than that. You, people like me, and all the photographed women who really are from completely different places in life, have to deal with the reality of amputation. Human beings can be truly awful sometimes, but they can also be wonderful and life changing too. Women should be aware that the universe is random and that, heaven forbid, it could be them or their family and loved ones next, and that it has to be dealt with head on.”

When I was first told that I would need a mastectomy, I really had no idea what that would look like. I asked how big the scar would be, where would they cut? But even having asked, it still wasn’t very clear to me. I was unsure whether I dare to look on the internet for pictures. Some days after diagnosis I took that step and found pictures, quite shocking at first and I did upset myself but I needed to know how it would be, how my body would look. After the initial upset I happened upon a story and also a beautiful photograph of a 40 year old woman who had been through mastectomy. To mark her survival Joanne had photographs taken of her with mastectomy scars just two weeks after surgery. Wishing to help others through their journey Joanne posted the pictures on Facebook but they were banned for “nudity and pornography”. I was completely inspired and comforted by seeing the photographs on the web before my surgery. If I looked like that after two weeks, I would be doing ok. I did look like that after two weeks.

It also became clear to me that other people also had little idea as to what my mastectomy actually involved. Did I still have a nipple? The answer is, no nipple, no nothing. The entire breast is removed neatly through a diagonal cut from underarm to the middle of the chest. My scar is a very neat, a thin line about 7-8 inches long and my chest is very flat, my upper rib bones visible. I don’t dislike my scar, of course I wish I didn’t have it, but I do and it tells a story, a very big one, as do my caesarean and appendix scars.

The Scar Project link was sent to me from a friend in Australia. It is stunning. I think this is what “breast aware” should be about. This is the real story, this is what it’s really like to find out you have breast cancer, this is why we check our breasts, these pictures tell you cancer is not choosy and life isn’t fair. These pictures tell you that women are vulnerable yet strong, determined and full of courage. These women want to show the world the journey they have been on and survived. We feel the pain with every blow of the sculptures hammer, yet with each strike we are shaped and we emerge more beautiful.
Last week, I sat and looked at my own photographs, from before and after surgery. They are an important visual, real reminder of what has happened to me over recent weeks. After much pondering, I decided to not bare all on the blog, but did post, in the Photograph Page, a black and white shot of just my scar.

Breast cancer is not a pink ribbon. For me, it’s a thin red line.

Thank you to Elaine for sending me the link to The Scar Project        www.thescarproject.org