Deja Vue

“Have you been here before?” “Oh yes.”

The deja vue was never going to be easy. But surely the nurse should have known I had visited the breast clinic on many occasions before?

Here I was, once more, sat within the same four white walls, on the same bright blue chair, watching the same hands tick on the clock, the same blue door (made me smile, it was almost the same colour as my recently painted hen house!). The blinds were shutting out the sunshine and blue sky just as they had done on results day last year, so I took the liberty of opening them just enough that I could see the sky reflected in the wall mirror opposite me. The familiar box of tissues sat on the desk in readiness for all those tears that are shed in this room, when lives are turned upside down.

“What can we do for you?” had she not read the correspondence or notes? So I read from my list, giving her a copy for the file just to be sure that nothing got missed.

It was all very swift with no time for questions. Didn’t anyone want to check that my iron count was back to normal, no blood test nor a check of my blood pressure? What would happen if gynaecology find out that it is the Tamoxifen effecting my menstruation? (Although not common, Tamoxifen can cause thickening of the endometrium and hence problems with menstruation). So, after weeks of waiting I was no further forward other than to now be waiting for another appointment to see the gynaecologist. Why I could not just have been referred directly to gynaecology in the first place I do not know.

I drew strength from last week’s forum and all those other ladies who have also experienced this matter of fact, less than satisfactory treatment.

My consultant said she would arrange my annual mammogram for when it is due in June, gosh, that came round quick, a year in June since this journey began. Well for what it’s worth anyway, given that the first mammogram only picked up an unclear fog and nothing that they were too concerned about!

For now I put the whole thing out of my head as best I can, managing my time table such that I am close to home during my period. The gynaecology appointment is bound to come through for when I am on holiday in June or July!