A New Year 2014

Very best wishes to everyone for the coming year. It’s difficult to say “Happy New Year” to those friends facing tough times when it will be far from a happy year for them, but none the less, best wishes are sent to those who need them most and I very much hope that in between the rough tough bits are fun and happy times to be enjoyed.

On Christmas day I found out that an acquaintance of days past had a mastectomy in November for grade three invasive breast cancer, another friend had BRCA genetic testing results back recently to find she carries the faulty gene and an old school friend is cherishing every day that she has as she lives with stage four breast cancer. It is all around us and some of us are the lucky ones. For that I am very grateful.

The art project has taken off and is in full swing to my amazement! I have 12 talented artists who are starting to create some great images and work. I have sat for two life drawing sessions and had three photo shoots. The life drawing was quite an experience! Naked in a small village hall in Aberdeenshire on a winters morning, in front of 10 artists, nine ladies, one man. I had moral support of my friend Dee who I met through the CLAN cancer centre. Sat on white sheets and cushions, fan heaters blowing over my skin and the room in soft focus without my glasses on, it was quite a meditative experience sitting so very still listening to the scratching of pencil and pastel on paper. Dee had declined to sit naked but having watched me she then declared “If she can do it, so can I”. Major boost for body image and self esteem after her double mastectomy, which is what the project is about.

2014 will see the results of my genetic testing, the wait for those is still some months away. At the end of January I begin my online study with The University of Bath learning about genetics in cancer. This is just a six week module but one which I hope will help me understand how and why some people develop cancers and what goes wrong within the body. After my diagnosis I looked for something to blame for the cancer and largely blamed myself for having lived quite a stressful life for a number of years. The genetics department put my mind at rest when I clearly had led a healthy life style, with regular fitness, meat free for years, given birth at the right age, breast fed for six months on both occasions, not obese, non-smoker etc. With a family history through my father’s side, of breast and prostate cancers, the chances of me or my daughters developing breast cancer is “moderate risk”. The genetic testing will confirm if that remains the same going forward (negative BRCA mutation) or if it increases to high risk (positive BRCA mutation). A high risk outcome will mean that choices have to be made for both me and my daughters and I hope that some further understanding of genetics through the online learning would help if we were to face that road.

I am generally feeling fitter and well these days, although the tiredness can still be an issue at times. I suffered two bouts of fatigue in December, quite a bad one, unfortunately over Hogmanay which saw me taking to my bed just after 11pm despite a desperate attempt to stay awake! These bouts usually only last two days and tend to come about 5 days after my period, which have become irregular between 3 – 6 weeks. It is much more than tiredness, it is a feeling of having to drag yourself about to do anything, heavy limbs, like the tin man, a feeling of muscles not responding, clumsy and aching, fuzzy head. The only solution is to rest. I thought some gentle exercise would help boost my energy levels and I took myself off for a swim and a sauna during the last bout and I sat in the sauna almost in tears wondering how I was going to get dressed and drive home. I arranged to have my bloods checked just before Christmas to sure my iron levels were still ok after the anaemia. I was told by the receptionist that the Doctor was happy, no indication as to levels! Around 25% of women on Tamoxifen suffer fatigue so I consider this to be a normal side effect of the drug and one that I have to manage myself going forward.

It’s now 16 months since my surgery in 2012, and with the changing of the year it seems quite a big step forward that I no longer “had cancer last year”. I enter the New Year with mixed feelings. 2013 was such a good year for us all after the trials of 2012. We celebrated an 18^th, 50^th and 60^th birthdays and a daughter passing her driving test. We had a fabulous holiday to South Africa and to Tuscany, a great trip to London and the Royal Opera House, caught up with lots of old friends, some great weekends away and enjoyed a trip to France. It was a very special year. It will be a challenge to better the year but it is my intention to at least try!

Coping with fatigue

My two weeks away have been very restful. I didn’t do anything! I mostly sat in the rocking chair by the fire. I was grateful for the two weeks rest as it seemed quite quick falling back into a busy life after surgery. You are forced to resume normality as life moves forwards and there’s no choice but to “get back to normal”. I’ve had time to think and go over events and have thought about all that happened. I re read all the text messages in my phone from the day before and the day of surgery. That made me cry. It’s part of my healing process, to deal with the pain.

This last week was quite a tough week to get through. The journey home from France did not go according to plan and I finally arrived home after some 17 hours of travelling. Combined with another heavy period, which arrived five days early, I was, needless to say exhausted by the time I got home in the early hours of Monday morning.

Tuesday I was very tired and Wednesday I felt completely fatigued with absolutely no energy or motivation to do anything other than get showered and dressed. I felt weepy, lonely and exhausted.

Thursday I had an appointment at CLAN (Cancer Link Aberdeen North) for reflexology massage. The timing was just right as I really felt the need for some TLC and a chat with the therapist. It proved to be a bit of a “pick-me-up” on Valentines day and forced me to get up and out of the house. I was told it was quite normal to get these bouts of fatigue with all that has gone on physically and emotionally and of course combined with the effects of the Tamoxifen.(Fatigue can be  a side effect for many people). My hormones are taking a bit of a battering! I came out of the centre feeling brighter and went on to have a lovely evening with supper out followed by a brilliant short dance event in town. I was still suffering the fatigue to some degree as I felt every foot step from the car park to the theatre.

What a difference a day makes. Friday morning I woke with bags of energy, as if a switch had been flicked. I spent three hours outside in the garden, general tidying, nothing to heavy, but grateful for the fresh air, milder and drier conditions and a chance to work and stretch some muscles. No fatigue or tiredness and I realised just how unwell I had felt in the early part of the week. This seems to be something of a recurring event just after my period so I need to try to manage my social diary so I can rest if needs be. This was one of the worst bouts I have suffered but no doubt the travelling was something of a catalyst too.

I’m interested in the forthcoming release in March? of the movie “Decoding Annie Parker” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decoding_Annie_Parker

Based on the true story of Annie Parker, a breast-cancer patient whose belief that her illness had a genetic component led researchers to discover the breast cancer gene BRCA1.